If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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