There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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