11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
