How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
