Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
