omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
