Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
