Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
