she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
