Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
