Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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