am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
