I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
