mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
