Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
