i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
