Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
