Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
