and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
