it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
