Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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