he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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