did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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