One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I will die if light touches me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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