i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
