Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize