DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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