I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
do herpes really smell.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
