he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
