I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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