I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize