So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
