We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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