My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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