I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
