Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize