It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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