yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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