wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
