I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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