The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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