I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize