Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
