Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
