Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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