Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
bring money and cleavage
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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