it hurts more in the daytime
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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