Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I understand Curling. That high.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
