I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
