Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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