Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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