did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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