hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
