i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
