You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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