i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize