I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
