Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
