i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Boobs speak an international language.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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