Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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