i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
