yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
