just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize