everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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