We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
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