I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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