We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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