I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
