needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
