No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
