do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
