I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
