I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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