with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
