I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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