shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Who died my cat blue again?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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