Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
