Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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