we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am available for nakedness
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
