the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
