So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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