Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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