I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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