Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My cat gives me a boner
I wish they made helmets for livers.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize