Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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