Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
