I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
