so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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