Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
