It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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