DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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