If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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